Thursday, August 11, 2011


So this last week I started my first rounds with the completely free dating site, OkCupid.  So let me walk you through the process of using this website.

First, create a profile, they have an essay page where they give you some questions and you answer them.  Pretty normal stuff.  General bio, interests, six things you could never live without, etc.  The fun part about OkC is that you can answer all these questions in a multiple choice rating way, and also what you would want your match to answer, and based on the answers you "match up" with other people.  Me and Mike are a 99% love match as it turns out!

They also have tests you can take like, "how big of a slut are you?", and the all important "Details" section where you specify height, body type, religion, etc.  Fun stuff.

Of course I'm not the only person in an open relationship on this site, as it turns out there are many couples on OkC.  I certainly put that I was in an open relationship in my general bio.. and I noticed that my bio isn't as long as most people's.  Maybe because I'm not looking for a love match?  Really the only reason I decided to use the site was to find people I can hang out with and fuck.  True friends with benefits.

I did, however, make a few mistakes when creating my dating profile.

Mistake #1:  I said I was looking for casual sex, which I'm not, so I clearly didn't think that through.
Mistake #2:  In the section, "Things you do well", I had one thing listed.  Oral sex.
Mistake #3:  I didn't specify clearly enough who should message me in the "Message me if" section, all I said was that you had to be ok with open relationships at first.

Add all these things together and you get a plethora of responses from the most skeezy online daters.  Several messages from men from other countries just looking for cybersex, and many asking me to get on a webcam for them.
One person messaged me with only one line of, "you ever fuck a black man?"
How do these men expect me to answer? Obviously they are all fucktards and didn't actually read my profile.. or are too stupid to realize I wouldn't be interested in that.

After fixing these little mistakes, for example I now have in my "Message me if" section "Please be semi-intelligent as I find that fucking too far beneath my own IQ is too much like bestiality and I'm not into farm animals."  My edited profile cut down on the sex-crazed spam quite a bit but I still get at least a couple guys a day looking for a quick fix.

Among the idiotic tools there are a few gems to be found though.  Several men I've talked to seem to know exactly what I'm looking for or at least know how to sound like they do.  I'm being pretty open minded, but after chatting with a few men.. I've already ruled a few out due to simple neediness.  I have 10 unread text messages on my phone right now because I really don't feel like reading any of them.

The ones that are going to get replies are the ones who sent one, maybe two, messages and stopped.

Mr. Divorced has sent me 10 since our date on Tuesday.  Oh yes, I had a date, my first from OkC.  I decided to low-ball myself and have a guaranteed good time by picking the not as attractive, but still fit, divorced older man to take me out.  It worked.  We had a great time, had some beer, grabbed some pizza.  He's in the same industry as me so we had plenty to talk about.  The only thing that put a glitch in the night was him "not wanting to fuck but simply smell my sex".  For Fucks Sake.  I figured it was the booze and let it go, kissed him, and left.  When I got home he had already texted me twice. Three more as I was sleeping and having sex with Mike.  If he can abstain from texting me today I may let him take me out again.  If not I will politely reply saying I had a great time but I feel that he's being too needy.

As it stands.. I'm having a hard time talking to all these different guys, keeping them entertained and interested in me.  Let alone trying to reply to messages actually on OkC.  My new plan is to NOT care about hurting feelings and ignore any message I want.  Something I had not yet done.. as I like giving anyone a chance that deserves it.

Calm down Jessica, you don't have reply to the texts if you don't want to.. breathe.. FML.
Going out for drinks tonight on date #2.
Great thing about being in an open relationship? I don't give a fuck if men don't like me.. I couldn't care less.  Either way I'm coming home to a husband that loves me and only me.


  1. I've heard from several sources that you really have to treat this online dating thing like a job. And trying to juggle that many message conversations is fucking ridiculous. You're lucky you can say "fuck it" at any time and take a break...

  2. Oh, and thank you for getting rid of the Captcha. I will love you long time.

  3. I understand there are fetishes... but damn... I don't understand just only wanting to sniff your pussy and not anything more... damn... boggles the mind.